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[FANFIC] Everything Is Better In Space
Official-ish shit
tarafishes
Title:  Everything Is Better In Space
Author/Artist:  tarafishes with some help from a comedian named Adam Parris
Character(s) or Pairing(s):  AmericaxRussiaxAmerica; Implied, Onesided Russia->Prussia(which I don't even like, wtf); Implied USUK
Rating:  PG-18?  (Strong language, implied rape, not-sex; I member-locked it to be safe.)
Warnings:  Stupidity/Silliness, Weightlessness, Fail, Not-Sex?
Summary:  (LATE CHRISTMAS/EARLY(SORTA) BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR dollfiepop. ILU~ And I'll still write you that Prussia and Nor thing, if I get inspiration)  The Cold War wasn't just a dick-measuring contest.  It was a "who can top better" contest.  IN SPACE.  (Based off of this comedy skit)



"Space."

"The final frontier."

"The battlefield for the great hero, Alfred F. Jones' most epic battle yet."

"His enemy?  Twisted Communist, Ivan Braginsky."

"The world below is waiting.  Who will make the first move?  Who will--"

"Ah, America?"

"God damn it, Russia!"  Alfred would have stamped his foot, had he and the other nation not been floating.  "Don't interrupt my monologue!"

"I am sorry, America!  Is just that first move have already been made!"

"What!?"

To which the violet-eyed nation pointed down.  Indeed the Russian's penis was out of his suit, floating with him gently in the zero-gravity.  Growling, America removed his own, releasing a triumphant "ha!" when he had done so, pointing at the Russian who was looking it over, curiously.  "Look smaller."

America sputtered, not willing that Russia appeared to be right.  "W-well. . .this ruler!  It will show us!"  Producing a ruler from the floating objects around them, Alfred firmly grabbed Ivan's cock, frowning a little when he giggled, and held the ruler to it, marking where the tip ended with a marker.  Still giggling, Russia did the same for the shorter blond.

Who wasn't just shorter height-wise.

"Win!  Win!"  Russia said, clapping and laughing and bouncing midair.  America continued sputtering.  He couldn't lose this!  "W-wait!"

"Hm?  You become one with Russia now, da?"  He asked, smiling.  Alfred shook his head from side to side, grinning.  "Th-the size isn't the important part anyway!"

"Oh?"  Ivan tilted his head, eager to play(and win) the next round of this "game."

"Nope!"  America was sure he looked even cooler doing his hero pose floating in a spaceship.  "It's the performance!"

"Ooh~!"  Russia giggled.  He thought back to his most recent "performance."  Slowly he began to pout as he thought, as East Germany(or Prussia as they all still called him) didn't seem to enjoy it despite all of his efforts.  In fact, Prussia didn't seem very fond of him at all, nor did he enjoy his presence no matter how hard he tried.

America smirked, thinking of his own.  However, his expression slowly became a frown.  Even for this, England likely wouldn't admit that they'd had sex, even if it meant he'd win his and Ivan's little "contest."

They glanced at one another, finding that each looked troubled(Russia felt a little better seeing America that way).  Even if their dilemmas had not existed, in order to contact their last lay they'd have to leave space, something that neither was too willing to do.

"We could just. . . ."

"Be using other. . . ?"

In the end that became the plan.  Alfred declared himself to be the first to top.  Surely, if he topped the hell out of the Russian, then he'd be bad when his turn came.

They were far from gentle with one another, biting and scratching in their kisses and as they undressed each other.  America got his wish and was dominant before the colder nation.  He smirked as he put his hands on Ivan's hips, feeling him tense a little.  "It'll hurt more if you're tense, y'know!"

And thus was his warning.  Positioned appropriately Alfred thrust his hips toward the Russian.

And bounced back as if he'd pushed off of a wall.  "Fuck!"

Ivan giggled watching Alfred float with a puzzled expression.  "A-aah. . .let me try again!"

And he did.  He tried again.

And again.

And a few more times, too, until he'd grown tired.

Ivan giggled again.  "Now me, da?"

The Russian had to wrestle him a little in order to get him to submit.  He giggled when he'd shut his eyes and tensed.  "Hurt more if tense, da?"

Russia was bigger than him.  Alfred had expected him to be able to do it.  For he, the hero, to have lost.  For he, the hero, to have failed!

And then Ivan giggled and bounced off of him.

"Fun!"  The violet-eyed nation said, holding Alfred's hips again and bouncing off with another thrust.  Alfred almost laughed, he was so relieved.

After tiring himself Ivan had stopped, still giggling.  "Maybe we should be trying on Earth, da?"

"But everything's always cooler in space!"  Alfred whined.  But he had to agree.  Fun as it was, they'd get nowhere bouncing off of each other's asses in space.

In the end they returned to earth and tried again.  Aside Ivan winning the dick measuring portion there was no winner.  Arthur refused to admit that he and Alfred had been together.  Gilbert hated Ivan and refused to admit what he'd been forced into(and, when he did, he confirmed that he had not enjoyed the experience whatsoever, however, Ivan decided against admitting this to Alfred).  When they'd gone at one another neither were honest with themselves or the other they they'd both been quite good.

And thus was the "Cold War."

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You're welcome! I love you, too~!

XD I figured it out when it said "Honda Kiku." I'm like "Oh, lol, k."

You're welcome! ;w;

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